Nairobi Notebook

Sub Standard Reporting

That’s it. The new look The Standard newspaper continues to sink to deeper depths. It is bad enough that the sports section is upside down. Page 2 however consistently goes beyond the ridiculous.

Take today’s issue. The front-page splash is a big headline: Top Al Qaeda Man Now Back in Kenya. Here is a big story, just five days before the anniversary of the US embassy bombings in Nairobi and Dar Es Salaam as once again the mastermind behind Kenya’s deadliest terror attack has slipped through the police’s shredded net...in Kenya.

As an aside, the timing of the failed arrest makes you question the extent to which Fazul Mohamed is just a political pawn as far as Kibaki’s administration is concerned. What a coup it would have been for the embattled coalition to parade Fazul Mohamed before the eyes of Kenyans and the world media? But they screwed up. 

But back to The Standard.  You have to wait to Page 7 to read any more on this development because Page 2 is dedicated to the perverted whims of some flasher. I’ll hand it to the journalist though, Peter Opiyo, for his choice language. Here is an extract:

Seizing the opportunity, the man reportedly unzipped his trousers, removed his manhood and moved closer to the dozing woman…When the woman awoke, she noticed her seatmate was fidgeting. Before long she came face to face with the reason with is discomfort – his exposed, erect manhood. So shocked was she that she immediately let out a loud scream.

Congratulations to The Standard for shuffling its pack with such effect.

The Price of Peace…

…500 million dollars to be precise. That is how much Kenya’s Finance Minister says the grand coalition government will cost over the next two months. A small price to pay you might say for both President Kibaki and Raila Odinga to ensure all their cronies enjoy the feast, paving the way for a return to calm.

That certainly seemed the attitude on the lawn of State House a couple of weeks ago as one by one the 42 ministers and 50 odd assistant ministers pledged their allegiance to serving Kenyans. It was all cross-party handshakes and backslaps. Long lost friends re-united across a suddenly forgotten political divide.

Unfortunately for the Finance Minister he is presented with something of a headache: He is now $300 million dollars over budget. That is bad news for Kenyans. According to Kenya’s Daily Nation newspaper the shortfall means slashing the budget of larger ministries. There will be $160 million less to spend on the education of Kenya’s next generation. The country’s potholes look set to deepen as the Ministry of Roads loses out on nearly $10 million – around about the cost of the Prime Minister’s office! But that’s ok…Odinga can chose between his government limo or privately-owned Hummer.

And this is just for the next two months. The Kofi Annan brokered deal is supposed to stick until 2012. Something will have to give: either tax rates or the cost of running this government…given the propensity of Kenyan MPs to hike their own salaries it seems unlikely to be the latter.

Hon. Kimunya better be sure he has a large-screen calculator ahead of this June's budget. He has some serious figures to fudge.

 

Twenty Twenty Vision

It seems that Raila Odinga is having issues with his vision. Not his vision for Kenya – though you could be forgiven for thinking that might be the newly installed Prime Minister’s priority - but his eyesight! So while Kenya’s grotesquely bloated grand coalition government begins its works towards Vision 2030, the country’s blueprint for becoming a “middle-income” country over the next two decades, it appears that Raila is happy to settle for a twenty twenty vision of his own.

The timing however seems suspect, if not a little careless. According to one of Raila’s aides the decision to travel was made last week, just days after he was sworn into President Kibaki’s cabinet. How convenient, for now it will be the Kenyan tax payer who funds Raila’s first class air-ticket and laser surgery. Or perhaps it’s only right, as his aide says, that “the State take care of the PM’s health”.

That though is unlikely to go down well with the 140,000 Kenyans who continue to live under tarpaulin, dependent on handouts and too terrified to return to their villages. They thought they were Raila’s priority. After all, Raila had just told them so as he and President Kibaki completed their Tour of Peace in the Rift Valley. Who can blame them for feeling Raila’s vision is a little blurred?

But Raila has an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone: while in Germany he can drop in on the factory building his customised, armour-plated Mercedes and check the DVD screen isn't too small.